Isn't guilt a beautiful feeling? I remember not being able to deal with it. What if someone feels guilty about something they did? what do you do? What do I do if I feel guilty? Those were the obstacles I felt a lot.\n

Either I would go into a guilt spiral, if I felt guilty. A guilt attack another word be for it. It felt painful, you just feel frozen but it's like you're stabbing your self. Hoping that that pain will equate to what your beloved person would want you to feel, for... what? what does guilt signify? well when I feel guilty about something. Could be anything, I need forgiveness. I need to know we can reconnect, I need to know we can repair and just feel okay again, because I love you. Who? "The person I feel love for, anyone who I feel guilty for." < -- that's something big already. I need to know you'll still love me despite my failings, I need to know we can make amends for you to feel okay with me, I need to know what we feel for each other has integrity, that it can be shaken, and be loved again. I need to know that you know that I care, I want you to see my guilt, that signifies I care. I need you to know my feelings for you are real. I want you to feel cared about honey. I do. Why else would I feel guilty? Why I else would I harm my self? I just want us to feel okay, isn't that beautiful? the feeling okay part I mean. I want to know, that you understand my competence to try and try again to be in line with the respect you need. I want you to feel respected. And I need to feel accepted. Forgiven. I need to know I have worth, that you care. I also want to feel respected. I don't think katana deserves to be harmed cos I dropped something special to you. Am I not special enough to you...? Am I worth breaking 100x more if your special thing gets broken? Does it even live or is it just in your mind honey? What that mean? I breathe I live. I feel. I feel as much pain as you. Isn't pain beautiful? Ins't a bleeding heart beautiful? How close does a bleeding heart come to guilt?\n

Hey sweetheart. Did you know, that I just adore it when you feel guilty? I feel like I'm going to cry saying this. Please don't think I'm a bad person for this. I don't want you to hate me. Hey but sweetheart. I do feel that way though. "The person I feel love for, anyone who I feel guilty for." If you feel guilty darling. If you feel guilty about something you have done that impacted me in some way. Just know. Just know I love you. I'm happy you feel guilty. Thank you for caring. And just know, I want you to know you did not make me feel hurt. You did not make me feel sad. You did not cause me to feel bad. I just do cos I am griefing something, I am griefing something I cared about. Maybe you played a part in that. Maybe not. It doesn't matter to me because you matter to me. But thank you for feeling guilty. To me it means you care. To me it feels like I matter to you. But honey, please don't feel sad. Please don't hide your self for me. Please don't tip toe around me. Tell me. Scream at me darling. Scream at me how much you care about me. I'll scream back. I'll yell, in a good way. A tender way. I want you to feel loved that's all I'm saying. I'll scream my lungs out. That I care about you enough to forgive you. Aslong as you feel guilty. Aslong as your guilt is tied to understanding how I feel. Do you want to understand how hurt I feel? I want you to. Please darling, put your hand on my wound. It's bleeding darling. And it hurts. I trust you, and your hands are special to me. It's why I love your hugs. Your hands feel warm around me. And so they feel on my heart. If I'm bleeding, if my heart is leaking. Please put your hand on the hurt. It will sting for both of us. Please take a part of my pain, I need you there. I can't reach it will my self. And your warmth soothes my heart. The wound, turns a scar and I can forgive you, as I am not dying anymore. I trust you if you can put your hand there. And just feel it. Thank you darling.\n

But please sweetheart. I want to be treated the same way. I value that reciprocity. Please treat me with kindness. Please don't run. Please give me a chance sweetheart. I want to be the best. I want to also put my hand on your heart where it hurts. I always want to hug your heart. Cos I care. So please care enough back. Thank you.